


12 Rolls of Film

by sinaddict



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Multi, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-26
Updated: 2005-03-26
Packaged: 2017-10-08 22:32:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinaddict/pseuds/sinaddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You want answers, Veronica Mars? I don't think you really want them. I think you just need something to chase. The question is, which one of us is right?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	12 Rolls of Film

**Author's Note:**

> f you're easily offended by anything, don't read. Spoilers through Russkie Business, to be safe, although there's nothing specific referenced.

**01\. Kodak Ektachrome E100G Color Slide Film, ISO 100**

Veronica dreams of Lilly in cross-processed Ektachrome slide film.

Cross-processing film makes the results grainy, and there's a greenish cast no matter what color lighting she's filming in to begin with. The photos look urban, and gritty, and in a way, _dirty_. She's not sure whether it's the urban or the dirty that makes her think of Lilly (probably it's a combination of both), but she hasn't found a subject worthy of shooting Ektachrome since Lilly died.

Lilly always appears to her in a green cast. (_"Check you out, Veronica Mars. You're like a rocker chick now."_) She knows she's dreaming every time -- she's learned what the green means and looks for Lilly now -- and the upside of knowing that she's dreaming is that she doesn't waste precious time on surreal non sequiturs like monkeys in tutus serving coffee in the school cafeteria. She uses her time with Lilly to ask questions, to try to get answers to the mysteries that have taken over her life.

But Lilly is still all about leaving them wanting more. "Can't say," she shrugs with a devilish grin when Veronica asks who really killed her. And she knows, Veronica _knows_ she knows, but she's still holding her cards close and not letting anybody in on the secret. "Seriously, Veronica, there are better uses for your mouth than asking pointless questions you don't really want the answers to."

~

Lilly had kissed Veronica three times when she was still alive. The first, Veronica had begged for Lilly's advice on how to be a good kisser so she didn't disappoint Duncan. Lilly had laughed and told her that Duncan was so head over heels for her, she could kiss like Backup and still be the best thing Duncan had ever had.

The second time, they were at a party and Logan set up a rousing game of 09'er Spin-the-Bottle, where the only rule was that you _had_ to kiss whoever the bottle landed on, regardless of sex, familial bonds, or past relationships. By the end of the game, Lilly had kissed Logan, Veronica, and Duncan, and Veronica had gotten to watch a drunk Logan kiss an even drunker Duncan, which both of them swore didn't happen the next day.

Homecoming was the third time.

And now Veronica wishes she had kissed Lilly back in that limo instead of pushing her away and laughing it off.

"Honestly, Veronica Mars, what does a girl have to do to get your attention?" The greenish tint of the light and the translucent green water in the pool add a searing quality to Lilly's eyes as she lounges on the Kane pool-deck with a margarita in one hand and a cigarette in the other. "I hate to bring out the big guns, but..."

As Lilly stands, her swimsuit disappears. Being Lilly, she goes for the fashionable look and keeps the stilettos, though. And Veronica's a little too occupied with studying all those soft curves until her gaze sweeps upward to find the corner of Lilly's mouth quirked up in an amused smile.

Then the blood drips down the side of her face from the caved-in side of her head.

Veronica wakes herself up screaming.

~

"Why do you insist on asking me questions you don't want the answers to?"

Veronica should ask why Lilly thinks she doesn't want the answers, what Lilly knows that she doesn't. Instead, she follows Lilly through the green parking garage they're in toward a dream version of the SUV Lilly shared with Duncan. "Lilly, why are we here?" she asks softly when Lilly stops next the rear door and stares at her observantly.

"You want answers, Veronica Mars?" Lilly inclines her head, her hand resting on the door handle. "I don't think you really want them. I think you just need something to chase. The question is, which one of us is right?"

"Does it matter?" Veronica raises an eyebrow. "You're going to do what you want, anyway."

Lilly laughs and smiles, tilting her head to the left and peering in the car window for a second before turning back to Veronica. "Yeah, I am. See, that's the cool thing about being dead. You don't have to give a shit about right or wrong. It's all about what'll amuse you the most."

"And the answers I want are amusing?"

"Not so much," Lilly tells her seriously as she lifts the handle to the car door, opening it and popping her head around the side of the door, beckoning Veronica closer. "But I'm pretty sure the fallout will be more entertaining than cable."

"I've got a secret, Veronica Mars," Lilly says as the backseat of the car comes into Veronica's view. "A good one..."

~

**02\. Fujifilm Velvia, ISO50**

"You know," Duncan whispered in Veronica's ear as he slipped his hand under her shirt and toyed with the bottom edge of her bra, grinning at the little gasp she gave in response. "This whole making out in the car thing is such a cliché."

"Oh?" Veronica asked breathlessly, her fingers digging into Duncan's arm, trying to pull him a little bit closer. "Well, we could always go back to my house. I'm sure my Dad would love a chance to see if his gun is still in working order."

Duncan paused, wrenching a disappointed sigh from his girlfriend. "Okay. Cliché it is."

"Our first time is not going to be in the car," Veronica told him firmly, but let him slide his hand up her leg, under her skirt, anyway. "It has to be _special_."

"Veronica, everything with you is always special," Duncan said softly, pressing his lips to her forehead in a moment of chasteness. Or as chaste as it could get with his hand between her thighs and her unbuttoned shirt flapping open. "You make the annual 'say no to drugs' assembly special."

"You are _so_ awesome," Veronica wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged him. "But we didn't go to the assembly. We skipped and hid in the closet behind the pool deck."

"Hey, I think that was pretty special," Duncan grinned and kissed her again. "Where'd you learn to do that, by the way?"

"Lilly taught me."

"Ugh," Duncan made a face, pulling back slightly. "We really don't need to bring up my sister at a time like this. Now you're never going to be able to do that again without me wondering where Lilly learned it."

Veronica just laughed. "I guess I shouldn't mention where I learned that thing with my mouth that you liked so much."

~

"So, Duncan liked what I told you?" Lilly asked the next day in the girl's bathroom as she reapplied her lipstick and Veronica washed her hands.

"Well, he did until I told him it was _you_ who taught me how to do it," Veronica giggled, drying her hands and tossing the paper towel in the general direction of the wastebasket. "After I told him that, the mood was kind of killed."

"Oh, Veronica," Lilly rolled her eyes in mock-exasperation as she lifted a hand and tilted Veronica's face toward her, gently applying the deep pink lipstick to Veronica's lips. "Press your lips together," she barely had to say the words before Veronica obediently did so, and she handed her friend a paper towel. "Now blot. Duncan knows I'm no virgin. Hell, he probably heard about the trick from Logan."

"Really?"

"Well, who did you think taught me that?"

"Eww, I do not need that image in my head, thank you," Veronica rolled her eyes. Lilly merely studied her for a few seconds, prompting Veronica to ask, "What?"

A minute pause, just an instant too long, and Lilly said, "Nothing," on her way out the door.

~

Duncan and Veronica's studying session had quickly devolved into a heavy makeout, and they didn't notice they weren't alone until the flash went off, startling them into jumping apart like little kids caught at the cookie jar.

Lilly laughed madly and took off down the hall, camera in hand as Duncan leapt up to chase after her. Logan just shook his head at the siblings and gave Veronica a wry shrug. "You know how she is. There's no stopping her from getting her way."

"Did that camera have film in it?" Veronica asked with an amused sigh borne from the knowledge that Lilly wouldn't have done anything with pictures of her and Duncan reenacting the Kama Sutra on the back lawn, much less pictures of them fully clothed and above the covers on the bed.

"Yep," Logan flopped down next to her on the bed and picked up her geometry book, paging through it with one hand while he reached into his pocket with the other and handed her an empty film box. "She got it out of your purse."

Veronica heaved an irritated sigh as she looked at the label. "You know, taking pictures of me and Duncan is one thing. Wasting Velvia film in an automatic camera without the right settings is another."

Logan chuckled. "Somehow, I doubt that's what Duncan's pissed about, though."

~

**03\. Kodak Ultra Color 400UC**

"God damn it, Lilly, give me the fucking camera," Duncan snarled angrily at his sister as he chased her around the dining room table three times before it occurred to him to attempt a leap over the table to tackle her.

He missed her by inches and she gained a three second lead as she took off down the hallway to the east wing while he recovered and got to his feet, taunting in a singsong voice, "Missed me, missed me!"

"I'm going to kill you, I swear," Duncan shouted as he she rounded a corner and headed toward the stairs to the east wing basement. He skidded to a stop just in time to avoid tumbling down the stairs as she called back, "Bet you can't catch me!"

The point of her little game didn't become clear to him until the basement door latched shut behind him and he reached the bottom of the stairs, finding Lilly sprawled out on the racecar bed he had outgrown when he was four. "How bad do you want these pictures?" she dangled the camera by the strap between her fingers, grinning mischievously at him. "'Cause something tells me Mommy Dearest would be very interested to see them."

"Lilly, this isn't funny," he came to a stop at the foot of the bed, folding his arms over his chest and glaring down at her. "We both know you wouldn't do that to Veronica, so just give me the camera."

"Oh, but I'd do it to you," Lilly smirked at him, climbing across the small bed and kneeling in front of him, wrapping her arms around his waist and tilting her head back until her hair cascaded over her shoulders in a smooth, silky line. "How much do you want the camera, Duncan?"

"This is wrong, Lilly," he shook his head, trying to garner the willpower to push her back, even as he got hard from the sight of her. They'd played variations on this game before, and he knew exactly where it was headed. "You know it's wrong."

"Wrong is so much fun, though," Lilly grinned at him brightly and lifted the camera, snapping another picture of him before sliding her wrist through the loop of the strap and lifting the hem of his shirt, pressing her lips to the line of skin just above the waist of his pants as his abs tightened at her touch. Looking up at him, she said persuasively, "You want the camera, you're going to have be wrong. Again."

"Veronica..." he trailed off as Lilly undid the button on his jeans and her tongue snaked behind the zipper. "Jesus, Lilly. She'll wonder where we went."

"She's on the opposite side of the house. Logan'll keep her busy," Lilly dismissed the idea as she dragged the zipper down. "Well, hello. I think you're not nearly as opposed to this as you'd like me to think."

He pulled her hair just hard enough to get her attention. "What do you mean, Logan will keep her busy?"

"Oh, relax, Big Brother," she rolled her eyes as she disentangled his fingers from her hair and covered his hand, sliding it down to her breast. "I'm too selfish to share Logan with her, too. And I could keep talking and helping you justify this to yourself, or I could suck you off until you beg me for more. We both know which one you'd rather have."

Duncan closed his eyes and groaned, letting her have her way. Again.

~

Ten minutes. It had taken Lilly ten minutes to get him off, make him promise he'd be in her room that night, and be back in his bedroom talking to his girlfriend like nothing had happened. "Really, Veronica," Lilly's eyes sparkled as she curled up in Logan's lap. "I told you that you should ask Logan for help. He's much better than Duncan." An almost imperceptible pause (challenge) as her eyes locked on Duncan's, and she added, "At math."

_Prove me wrong tonight_, her gaze dared him. _You know you want to._

"Yes, I know," Veronica sighed dramatically. "I should know by now that you're _never_ wrong."

"For the love of God, don't encourage her," Logan's eyes widened with mock-horror. "Her plans for world domination are already enough."

After the giggling died down, Veronica turned to Duncan, holding her hand out and waiting for him to cross the room to her side. He did, but his eyes were on Lilly the whole time. Veronica didn't notice, telling him, "You're so sweet for defending my honor against big bad photographer Lilly, but with that film, she'd have to be shooting with a tripod and be standing there for a good five seconds to even get a shadow of an image on film."

And Lilly just grinned devilishly at him.

~

"You knew that film wouldn't actually get anything," Duncan had the pleasure of startling her when she walked out of her bathroom in a towel at ten to midnight. "You knew that nobody would be able to see anything on those pictures."

"Well, duh," Lilly rolled her eyes and unhooked the towel, flinging it at him. "The fun was in making you... _rise_ to the occasion. You always need a reason to be _wrong_. It's less time-consuming if I just give you one to begin with."

"This isn't a game, Lilly," he growled at her as he roughly wrapped her in the towel and pushed her toward her dresser. "We can't keep doing this. People are going to get hurt."

"Oh, boo-hoo," Lilly laughed and threw the towel across the room, thrusting her hip to the side and assuming a model pose as she looked at him seductively. "You're so predictable, Donut. But we both know deep down, you don't give a shit about who'd get hurt, either."

What really ate at him was that they both knew she was right.

He sighed and crossed the room to her. "There are better uses for your mouth than talking. Get started."

~

**04\. Fuji NPH, ISO400**

If Logan had suspicions about Duncan's relationship with Lilly, he kept them to himself and never let the slightest hint of them show. Duncan thought he _had_ to have suspected something, since Logan was not stupid, and there were too many weird, unexplainable incidents between the three of them.

Which is why, one drunken night, Duncan blurted out, "Does it bother you that I fuck your girlfriend?"

Logan had turned to him, expression inscrutable, and replied, "Would it bother you if I fucked yours?"

  
Duncan hadn't been able to think about much else for the rest of the night.

~

The first time they kissed was in front of their girlfriends. They both denied remembering it the next day to Lilly and Veronica, and admitted that they had to each other the next night in secret.

Lilly had looked at them both with a gleam in her eye that said they weren't fooling her.

The first time they fooled around, it was under Lilly's supervision. She made it a competition; who could last longer, who could make the other moan louder, who she ended up kissing goodnight, and who she went home with.

Duncan thought it was probably around the instant Lilly left with him that Logan realized his relationship with Duncan was going to last a lot longer than his relationship with Lilly ever could.

~

It took Duncan three days to come up with a suitable response to Logan's question, and he tracked his friend down in the bathroom of Dick Casablanca's house during a party to tell him in a strong voice, "If you ever fuck Veronica, I'll kill you."

Logan smirked at him, kissed him hard, and then smirked at him again as he pressed his palm down the front of Duncan's jeans and started working him slowly. "Who would have ever guessed _I'd_ be the better man between us?"

He got on his knees for Logan, hoping he could even the score a little bit.

Logan told him, "You're almost as good as Lilly."

And it killed him that he was more pissed at Lilly being better than he was at the subtle dig. It killed him more that he had to ask Lilly the next day what her trick was.

~

**05\. Kodak HIE, Infrared Black &amp; White Negative**

"Why don't you take Veronica to the movies tomorrow?" Lilly suggested in the middle of sex, which she had learned quickly was the fastest way to get what she wanted from Logan at any given time. "Keep her busy for a couple hours?"

Logan's hands gripped her hips, stopping her from moving, and he looked up at her. "You got plans I should know about?"

"What makes you think you should know about anything I do?" He flipped them both over and pinned her hands over her head, and she grinned up at him. "Bondage, huh? Kinky. I think I like it."

"You like everything," Logan rolled his eyes. "You're a slut, Lilly."

"You're just miffed I'm not _your_ slut," Lilly arched her hips up, laughing at the hoarse groan he gave. "And you can't get mad at me for fucking Duncan when you do it, too. How'd you like that thing with the honey I taught him? Was it good for you?"

"Jesus, Lilly," Logan closed his eyes and buried his face in her neck as he shuddered and came. "You're going to drag us all down to hell."

"Well, it wouldn't be any fun if I was there by myself."

~

When Lilly climbed through his window that night, she smelled like Duncan's aftershave and sex.

Logan wasn't sure which turned him on more.

And she smiled knowingly at him and she pushed his mouth down between her legs, where Duncan was fresh on her thighs.

~

**06\. Kodak Ektachrome E100G Color Slide Film, ISO 100**

"Well, Veronica Mars, was I right?" Lilly comes up behind Veronica and rests her chin on Veronica's shoulder. "Do you still want your answers? Or were just in it for the chase?"

"This isn't real, is it?" Veronica asks rhetorically. "This is all just my subconscious running wild at the possibility I may be Duncan's half-sister and sublimating you in my place. Freud would have a field day."

"I _was_ right," Lilly announces gleefully, the green light bouncing off her lollipop as she sticks it back in her mouth and somehow manages to talk clearly around it. "You _were_ just in it for the chase. I told you that you didn't really want the answers. I knew you weren't ready for them."

"This isn't real!" Veronica glares at Lilly. "Duncan wouldn't..."

"Fuck his sister?" Lilly raises an eyebrow. "Grow up, Veronica. Why did you think he was so patient with you? He didn't need to rush you into sex because he was fucking me and Logan. You can't tell me you didn't wonder even a little bit! All those times Logan took you out for no reason, all those times he and Duncan disappeared from parties... You aren't that stupid, Veronica Mars."

"That wasn't all of it, was it?" Veronica steels herself and asks point-blank, "Was there more?"

"Of course," Lilly laughs and shakes her head. "That was just the back-story. I haven't even gotten to your answers yet." She pauses, staring at Veronica closely, more seriously, "Are you sure you still want them? You back out now, you can wake up and tell yourself this was all just your Dad's lasagna leftovers and 'Flowers in the Attic' on cable making your dreams weird."

Veronica gives it a moment's thought. Clearly, Lilly knows that whatever the rest of the story is, it's going to be harder for Veronica to accept than the idea her boyfriend was cheating on her with both his best friend and his sister. But Lilly knows Veronica, and she must know Veronica's curious nature is not going to let this go so easily. "I want answers," Veronica tells her firmly. "I _need_ answers."

Lilly nods once and sighs. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

~

**07\. Fujichrome RTP II 64 Tungsten Balanced, ISO 64**

Lilly met Weevil at a party the PCH Bike Club crashed, an hour after she told Logan to go fuck himself, or Duncan, since she wasn't planning on doing it for him any time in the near future. He was the opposite of Logan in every (superficial) way that mattered, and she had dragged him into the coat closet, demanding, "Fuck me, and then you can tell me which is more fun to ride, me or your bike."

He hadn't needed any more convincing than that, and delighted her by telling her afterward that she was a much better ride than his bike.

She hadn't counted on him actually expecting anything more, though.

~

Weevil left letters in her locker and roses in her car. He never called her, which she appreciated since Duncan would've gone on a rampage if he ever found out. (For all his, "Lilly, this is _wrong_," lecturing, he was more possessive of her than she was of him.)

Finally, she caught up with him away from his friends and told him that she hadn't been looking for anything more than a random party fuck, and she was _with_ Logan. She may have been a total bitch and damn proud of it, but she couldn't help feeling a little bad at the look in Weevil's eyes when she told him she wasn't interested.

It was almost like the look Molly gave Duncan as Animal Control took her away.

~

**08\. Fujicolor Press, ISO 1600**

"Your sister's being such a fucking bitch," Logan grumbled before downing the last of the Jose Cuervo Gold and throwing the bottle toward the trash can and, surprisingly enough, landing the shot. "Who does she think she is? Queen fucking Mary?"

"I don't think there is a Queen Mary," Duncan said warily as he watched Logan pull his shirt over his head and start unbuttoning his pants. "What'd she do this time?"

"Queen Mary?" Logan sounded confused as he hopped on one foot and tried to take off his shoe. The scene was comical enough that Duncan didn't bother offering to help him, but not so comical that he laughed out loud at Logan, which would have ended the night prematurely in a way that wouldn't be nearly as fun as Logan's intended revenge on Lilly would most likely be.

Then Logan lost his balance and toppled into the dresser, and Duncan shook his head, getting up to help his friend before Logan managed to crack his head open. "No, my sister. What'd she do now?"

"She's all pissed off that I kissed Yolanda," Logan told him, like he truly couldn't understand why Lilly would be pissed about him making out with another girl, and Duncan thought maybe he should've let Logan keep trying to undress himself. Maybe he would've managed to hit his head on something hard enough to knock some sense into himself. "Like she has room to talk there," Logan snorted. "She's fucking you and trying her damndest to get into Veronica's panties, too."

"What?"

"Come on, Duncan, have you seen the way they look at each other, lately?" Logan asked as he went to work on getting Duncan's shirt unbuttoned, and Duncan halfheartedly tried to swat his hands away. "Lilly's hoping to make this little _ménage a trois_ a _ménage a_..." Logan trailed off, clearly not knowing the French word for 'four', and finally finished, "Foursome."

"You're drunk," Duncan shook his head, not ready to admit that what Logan was saying made perfect sense. Moreover, it was exactly something Lilly would do. "Why'd you kiss Yolanda?"

"Lilly wasn't there." Logan's tone was almost petulant, and it reminded Duncan of a four-year-old Lilly saying that she took one of the other kids' toys because she didn't think anybody would miss it and she wanted it. "You were busy with Veronica."

Duncan's mouth wiped the pout off of Logan's before he said, "I'm not busy now."

~

"Does it bother you," Logan asked in the dark after he returned the favor and got Duncan off, "That Lilly plays us all, pulls our strings and makes us fucking dance for her own amusement?"

"Sometimes," Duncan sighed. "But that's just Lilly."

"If there was no Lilly, would you share Veronica with me?"

Duncan's answer was immediate, without thought. "No." And he immediately groped for Logan's hand in the darkness, trying to soften the blow of the words because he didn't mean for it to sound so harsh and unforgiving.

Silence for a brief moment, and then Logan asked the question. "Why?"

"She's not like us," Duncan told him softly. "You spend as much time with her as I do, Logan. She's innocent. She's _normal_."

"Anybody who can keep Lilly's interest for so long isn't all that normal or innocent," Logan told him seriously. "There's something about Veronica that fascinates Lilly. The sooner we figure out what it is, the less it'll hurt when Lilly reveals it."

"Lilly's fascinated because I want Veronica," Duncan said bitterly. "She can't figure out what it is about Veronica that I can't enough of."

"You better hope Lilly never figures that out, then."

"Lilly can be just about anything," Duncan turned over on his side and closed his eyes. "Except innocent, and that's what Veronica is."

~

"One of these days, Logan, I swear to Christ I'm going to strangle her and be done with it," Duncan paced the length of Logan's pool house and kicked at random knick-knacks and DVD cases littering the floor. "She's like the Anti-Christ! I told her, damn it, I _told her_ why I was trying to avoid Veronica, and now she's determined to keep throwing Veronica at me when she knows..."

"Chill out, Dude," Logan handed him a beer and picked up the Playstation controller to resume his game before a thought occurred to him. "Why _are_ you avoiding Veronica? She called _me_ yesterday crying about you, and she knows I'm still pissed at her for telling Lilly on me. I offered to go over and make her forget about you--"

"So help me, Logan, I will kill you if you take advantage of her," Duncan cut him off coldly, so utterly serious that Logan might have been afraid if he didn't have a father like Aaron Echolls.

"Relax, Duncan, I'm not going to fuck Veronica," Logan rolled his eyes and resumed his game. "She's light-years away from ready for sex. Especially the sex that Lilly teaches us. Am I gonna get an answer on that 'why' question?"

"She might be my sister."

Logan's car crashed spectacularly on the screen, and he turned very slowly to look at Duncan, eyes wide. "Excuse me?"

"Her mother, my father," Duncan continued pacing, shaking his head. "She might be my father's."

For a long second, Logan was silent. Then he started laughing. "Holy shit, Duncan, you may be the only man outside of Arkansas who's fooled around with both his sisters."

"This isn't funny!" Duncan slammed his fist on the table. When that didn't stop Logan's laughter, he hurled a nearby bottle at the wall, watching it shatter. "Don't you get it? Veronica was my one shot at being _normal_, and I may have screwed her up more than Lilly ever could."

"Oh, come on," Logan managed to stop laughing and pushed himself to his feet, moving over to stand in front of Duncan. "You don't know for sure that she's your sister. And even if she is, who says she ever has to know?"

"I'd know!"

"So? Lilly's your sister and you don't have any problems fucking her."

"Yeah," Duncan's eyes darkened as he looked at Logan. "Yeah, I do."

~

**09\. Kodak Portra 100T Tungsten Film, ISO 100**

The phone woke Logan. "This had better be Lilly wanting sex," he answered it. "Anything else can wait until tomorrow."

"Logan?" Veronica's voice sounded distant, and he knew right away she'd been crying. He wished Duncan would get over his little ethical dilemma about the possibility of Veronica being his sister, because Logan wasn't sure he could keep being the sensitive one for Veronica.

Logan and sensitive weren't two concepts that really belonged in the same sentence.

"Yeah, Veronica," he grumbled as he rolled over, preparing himself for another round of 'why doesn't Duncan want me anymore?'. "What's going on?"

"Lilly," Veronica said, her voice breaking, and there was a wealth of wrongness in the way she said that one word. She tried again, but only managed to get out, "She's..."

Logan sat up in bed, suddenly very awake and more worried than he could ever remember being in his life. "What about Lilly?" he demanded. "Veronica, what's wrong? Is she hurt?"

"She's dead."

And just like that, Logan's whole world shifted a few degrees, and nothing was the same.

~

He met Veronica at the Kane mansion. Things had definitely gone to shit when he couldn't bring himself to comment on her little pep squad uniform short-shorts, he thought to himself. "Duncan's..." she trailed off, her eyes red and swollen, lined with smudged black that made her look a little like a rabid raccoon. "They were going to take him to the hospital. They said he was in shock."

It looked like Veronica was in shock, herself, but she was holding it together better.

"What happened?" he asked calmly, thinking 'car accident' and 'I told her to pay more attention to the fucking road when she's driving'. Veronica's eyes were fixed over his shoulder, staring at something so intently that she didn't seem to hear his question. "Veronica?"

He turned halfway and saw the black body bag. Then it hit him that Lilly was inside that, and she was gone, and god, she was _gone_.

And Logan threw up on the Kane's perfectly manicured lawn.

~

After the funeral, Logan asked Duncan once, "Did your father kill her?"

Duncan told him, "No," so firmly and so resolutely that Logan didn't doubt it was the absolute truth. And from that moment on, when he looked at Veronica and she stood by her father, he washed his hands of her and stopped caring whether or not innocent, naive Veronica got hurt by anything.

This was her fault, anyway, he told himself. If there was no Veronica, he or Duncan would've been there with Lilly.

If there was no Veronica, Lilly would be alive.

~

**10\. Fujifilm Neopan 1600 Black &amp; White Film, ISO1600**

"If there was no Veronica," Duncan started after drunkenly jerking Logan off in the bathroom at Shelly Pomeroy's party. "If there were no Veronica... fuck... I don't remember what I was going to say."

"You probably shouldn't have been drinking with those pills they put you on," Logan leaned back against the wall, trying to regain his breath and stay upright long enough to zip his pants back up as he reached for Duncan. "Let me do you."

"Nah," Duncan swatted his hands away before they could make contact. "There's a girl out there waiting for me. Sherry? Shannie?"

"I think that was Shelly," Logan put in his two-cents, even though he thought the girl's name was more like Katie or Carrie. It could only be amusing to see Duncan fuck it up, though. "Whatever her name is, have fun. And make sure Veronica sees you fucking her."

That Duncan didn't respond with some sort of punch was a testament to how drunk he really was. "Haven't seen Veronica in a while. She probably went home. I'll see you later, man."

"Yeah," Logan sighed as Duncan stumbled out of the bathroom first. He waited a couple minutes to be safe, even though he doubted anyone was sober enough to notice that he and Duncan were in the bathroom together for a good five minutes.

Sherry or Carrie or whatever her name was probably wouldn't be half the fuck Logan was.

~

"Dude," Dick Casablanca greeted Logan by the keg fifteen minutes later. "Where'd you disappear to? Connie Watson was asking about you. Bet you could get her into one of the bedrooms pretty easily."

"Don't need to," Logan grabbed a cup and took a big gulp of beer. "Already had my fun for the night."

"Dude!" Dick congratulated him before turning a bit more serious. "Uh, are Duncan and Veronica back together?"

"No!" Logan answered immediately, hoping he looked as disgusted with the idea as he felt, just to get his point across faster. "She doesn't deserve to be in the same room as him."

"Well, he must not feel that way," Dick nodded toward the back of the house. "Duncan just took her into one of the bedrooms."

"Aw, fuck," Logan groaned. This was just what he needed right now. He'd seen Veronica looking three sheets to the wind earlier, and between the pills and the liquor, he doubted Duncan was sober enough to remember condoms. "I'll go make sure she doesn't trap him into anything."

He walked into three bedrooms before he managed to find the one Duncan was in with Veronica, and when he did find them, he wished to holy hell he hadn't bothered looking to begin with. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the lack of light, but when they did, he realized two things in quick succession: Veronica was passed out, dead to the world, and Duncan didn't appear to notice it at all.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck,_ Logan cursed in his head as he decisively locked the bedroom door and wished Lilly was there to deal with this instead of him. "Duncan," Logan put a hand on his friend's shoulder just as Duncan shuddered and groaned Lilly's name, then Veronica's, and Logan closed his eyes, hoping this was all just a drunken nightmare. "Duncan, get off her," he said more firmly as he pulled Duncan away.

Duncan flopped over onto his back, his eyes half-closed as he mumbled nonsense, and Logan took a deep breath, wondering what the fuck he was supposed to do now. Veronica was not his problem, he told himself. She chose her side, and it wasn't with them, damn it.

He still found himself pulling her dress back down and covering her with the blankets, though. And he told her he was sorry as he dragged Duncan out the door, locking it behind them.

~

"Oh, fuck, just kill me now," Duncan pleaded as he covered his eyes with his hands and groaned. "I think my head's gonna explode."

"It would serve you right," Logan told him unsympathetically as he dropped a cold washcloth on Duncan's face and handed him a Bloody Mary. "Drink this. Do you remember what happened last night?"

Duncan grimaced and nearly gagged over the drink, but managed to keep it down. "We went to a party?"

"Yeah, we did," Logan nodded and sat on the bed next to him. "Anything else?"

"Uh..." Duncan winced and pressed the washcloth over his eyes. "Oh, Christ. I think Veronica saw me making out with... what was her name?"

"Yeah, that too. What else?"

Duncan closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the pillow. "Did we fuck?"

"You jerked me off in the bathroom and went in search of the girl whose name you still can't remember," Logan informed him, watching him closely. "Do you remember that? Anything after that?"

"I think I fucked someone," Duncan shook his head, concentrating. "If it wasn't you, it must have been that girl. I don't remember."

Logan stared at him, looking for any sign that Duncan was lying. Finding none, he finally said, "Must have been. I found you passed out in one of the bedrooms."

He hoped Lilly would be waiting for him when he got to hell.

~

**11\. Kodak Ektachrome E100G Color Slide Film, ISO 100**

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"Don't be ridiculous," Lilly rolls her eyes without looking up from her copy of 'Glamour' and her Mai Tai. "You can't throw up in a dream. Take a deep breath and be thankful you're still alive."

"Duncan _raped_ me."

"Yes, I know. I was the one who showed you," Lilly says in her usual smartass tone before her voice softens and she drops the magazine, making her way over to Veronica. "Did you miss the part where he was completely plastered?"

"That doesn't make it okay!"

"Of course it doesn't," Lilly says, like Veronica had just announced the sky was blue. "Nothing could make you feel any better about it. But he was on Lithium and Trileptal while drinking whatever the hell was in that keg. _He_ doesn't remember what happened either, you know."

Veronica shakes her head, turning away and choking back sobs. "God."

Lilly's hand falls on her shoulder, turns her back, envelopes her in a hug. "I know it's hard, Veronica, but you're strong enough to deal with this. Duncan... well, he wasn't exactly stable before I, you know, died. If he finds out what he did to you, he may try something drastic."

"So you're saying if I confront Duncan about this, his blood will be on my hands?"

"Well, my way wasn't so melodramatic and soap opera-y, but yeah," Lilly keeps her arms wrapped around Veronica, strokes Veronica's hair. "I told you that you weren't ready for your answers yet, Veronica Mars. You think this is hard to take, you really don't want to know the whole truth about how I died yet. _Trust me_."

~

Veronica doesn't know what wakes her up, but suddenly she's wrenched from Lilly's arms and she's sitting up in her bed. Then the phone rings, and she realizes the shrill sound must have pulled her out of sleep. She answers with a somewhat groggy, "Yeah?"

"You are aware that it's second period and you're still at home?" Wallace's voice comes through the line, and Veronica does a double take as she looks at her (apparently malfunctioning) alarm clock.

"Shit!"

~

The journalism classroom turns green halfway through the period, and Veronica looks up from her computer to find Lilly coming toward her. "Journalism, Veronica Mars? What a waste of your talents."

"Personally, I think math is a bigger waste of my talents."

"Math is a waste of _everybody's_ talents," Lilly nods as her hair swings down in a curtain over them both while she looks over Veronica's shoulder. "You know, you're dreaming now. You could get away with looking at porn!"

"Not real interested in porn at the moment, Lilly," Veronica says bitterly as the crime scene video of Lilly lying dead on the pool deck starts playing on the computer. "I don't want to watch this, either."

"Hey, it's your dream," Lilly shrugs. "And as much as I'd like to play Ghost of Christmas Past for you again, the bell's going to ring any minute now and wake you up. You're lucky you don't drool or anything."

"Yeah, 'cause my reputation _could_ get lower."

"Check you out, Veronica Mars, you've gone all Alanis," Lilly grins as she starts to fade away, giving a little wave. "And just since I love you, I'll give you a little piece of advice. You know how to find out if what I showed you was real."

Veronica's thinking about what that means even as the bell rings and wakes her up.

~

**12\. Kodak Vericolor VS Tungsten Slide Film**

"We need to talk."

She honestly doesn't give a shit that the entire table of 09'ers starts oohing and ahhing at Logan as soon as they realize she's talking to him. She's more focused on not looking at Duncan, not thinking about her dreams, not wondering if he was really the one... Logan raises an eyebrow, but says, "Okay. Let's go."

She doesn't dance around the issue. Even if Logan has been acting more human toward her lately, his first loyalty will always be to Duncan. So she goes on the offensive as soon as they're alone. "I remember."

He looks caught off-guard, clearly not knowing what she's talking about. "Okay... You remember what?"

_This is it, Veronica Mars,_ Lilly's voice rings in her brain. _Are you sure you want to know?_

"I remember Shelly Pomeroy's party last year."

Logan turns white as a sheet.

And now she knows.


End file.
